By Collin Kelley
Editor

I’m just going to cut right to the chase and tell you that country star John Rich was named the Celebrity Apprentice. Personally, I was rooting for Marlee Matlin, because I’ve always been a fan and I think she did a better job. If this has been any other episode, John Rich would have been fired for flubbing the 7-Up presentation as part of the final project.

John and Marlee had to create a new advertising campaign for 7 Up Retro with packaging, a television commercial and special launch event. Admittedly, John’s commercial (featuring Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister) was much better than Marlee’s. I was sorta meh on both packaging designs, but Marlee clearly won the launch event.

When John introduced Def Leppard, the curtain lifted and the 80s hair band was nowhere to be seen. John had accidentally put the call-time for the band at 7 p.m., so after wandering around for a bit while the audience grew restless, he decided to put on his guitar and vamp until the headliners arrived. The 7-Up execs were also unhappy that no one greeted them at John’s presentation, while Marlee and her team were shaking hands with all the attendees and making sure they had a good time at the exhibition by the Harlem Globe Trotters.

The selection of the Celebrity Apprentice was live and almost the entire cast showed up with a few exceptions: Richard Hatch ( back in jail for tax evasion),  Jose Canseco (still caring for his ailing father) and Dionne “I got your number, hussy” Warwick. Where the hell was Dionne? They didn’t even mention her – it was like she was never on the show at all. She was a crotchety old bat, but calling supermodel Niki Taylor a hussy was the best part of the whole season.

Atlanta’s own NeNe Leakes returned to do battle with Star Jones live on stage. Star said NeNe had it out for all the black women on the show, which started a back-and-forth between the two that Trump didn’t allow to go on for long. Gary Busey rambled on – again – about his kite idea for Omaha Steaks. He’s still trying to be the company’s pitchman. I guess when the only work you can get is being a cast member of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew and Celebrity Apprentice, you take work where you can find it.

John Rich wrote a syrupy song called “For the Kids,” dedicated to his charity St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital, but it was made a little less saccharine by having Marlee and students from the New York School for the Deaf  sign the song.

When Trump polled all those fired, most voted for John Rich to be the Apprentice and so he was.

Thanks for reading the recaps!

Collin Kelley

Collin Kelley has been the editor of Atlanta Intown for two decades and has been a journalist and freelance writer for 35 years. He’s also an award-winning poet and novelist.